Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Today I cried....

Today I cried... The silent, don't let him see you, kind of cry. Thinking about it now, I still want to cry. 

Earlier, an old friend of PITA's stopped in. (We will call him Mr. B) Liam saw that he had a knife on his pocket (like most men in this area do) and was so excited. He's a man's man. He loves to impress the men in his life. So he began the trek from living room to his room and back. He was dragging out all his "bug out bags," camping supplies, and so on.

He was so excited, he was virtually vibrating with energy.

He kept interrupting to get Mr. B's attention and show him each and EVERY thing.... There are a LOT of things! He is a collector of camping/outdoor gear.

<--- seriously though, who could resist this face???

Mr. B was so patient, and so kind. He gave Liam the utmost of his attention. I apologized for Liam's zealousness. He smiled, told me it was fine. I asked Liam to put his stuff away, and clean up his toys. He replied, "I just can't mama! I found another lover of bug out stuff!" And on he went... showing, explaining, pacing.

In that moment, my stomach knotted. Liam had no clue of what was he was doing. No clue that Mr. B really just wanted to visit with his dad. No clue, that he was monopolizing, interrupting, and in an innocent way, being a bit rude.

When Mr. B left and Liam was diligently putting away ALL of his stuff, I cried. Each time he walked into the room, I quick wiped away the tears, and smiled at him. I thanked him for doing such a great job cleaning up. We went about our day.

I spoke about this with PITA tonight. Asked him if he noticed as well. He smiled, and said he did. He commented on how Mr. B was so cool, and gave Liam his attention. Don't get me wrong, that is AWESOME! That makes my heart sing. But the fact that Liam had no clue of his actions broke my heart.
I can't explain why.

I am always so positive about autism, but I would be lying if I didn't say there are some days it gets me down. It punches me in the gut, and takes my breath away. I get up. I move on. He does, and so can I. For him <3


  1. It is what we do. Even as our child was younger, we could see that he TRULY could not grasp some concepts that came so easily for his older siblings. Just today, again, even though our son is much older, I quietly wept. Working w/him to make change for a $10.00 bill, he just could not comprehend what to give, even with examples. How will he learn, WHO can teach him. Will he ever?! My heart breaks.

  2. We have an ABS team working with little man and little miss. Little man is so routine oriented that the very fact they are in the house when he gets home begins his anxiety. However he really needs this. His behaviours need regulated and managed as he is getting bigger and stronger. He cried in absolute despair because he had to take a time out ..just for one minute. He could not do it he lost the last of his patience and cried huge tears. We had to make him do this by not giving in and paying him attention. I admit I was shattered because I keep thinking he doesnt understand ..he cant grasp this and I had to slip away and compose myself. However. he got it..he did it finally and there was so much praise he was happy. It is hard to watch but if we are blessed as you all are with good people in his life and maybe all work together to gently guide them over these social landmines we will finally see them "get it" :)

    1. Glad that he was able to get through it. That's awesome! Some days are hard, that's for sure. Having supportive ppl around sure does help <3

  3. Stay strong and positive.God bless you