Trigger warning: whiny mother who feels defeated, deflated, and discouraged.
Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, it's going to back fire in your face? Like you're caught between a rock and a hard place???
As a special needs parent it's our job to prepare our kiddos for the world (to prepare the world for our kiddos) and to combat any issues that may arise in this process. Many of our autie kiddos are VERY dependent on a schedule, on their routine, and anything less really creates an issue for them. Which inadvertently creates one for us.
So we all know that when schedules/routines need to be changed, it's our job to prep our kids. (yes, sometimes we can't, that is life, and we have become accustomed to dealing with that fall out.) But the times we do know in advance, we prepare.
Lately, preparing Liam for any routine changes seems to cause MORE issues for him. Thus creating more for me. For some reason, when I tell him what is changing, he spends almost every waking moment ruminating on these changes. For instance, tomorrow I have an appointment in the am. When we get home his MT will come for 2 hours. Then the neighbor kids are getting off the bus here. After that an OT will be here to evaluate him for services from his cyber school.
While this may not seem like much to us, to him this is huge. I told him this morning what was going to take place tomorrow. I knew a busy day, that is out of our "norm," warranted some preparations. Instead, all it has done is given me a head ache and him more things to worry about.
His mind is thinking of every damn thing that could go wrong. Even things that won't go wrong. It's creating scenarios about tomorrow that will never happen, but in his mind, they will. I feel awful saying it's annoying me. I know how bad that sounds. I also know how badly it's affecting him. But I did what I have always done, which is prepare him for the changes in the day ahead. I am thinking that I made the wrong decision....
So I am left with, next time, do I tell him and watch him ruminate all day? Or do I NOT tell him, and then deal with the fall out? See what I mean? Rock and a hard place.... Is there even a right answer???
I am by no means a perfect mom. I know this. I just want to do what's best for my son. Sometimes I'm not just sure what that is.....