Friday, January 10, 2014

I have to let go....

  This is really something that I, as a human first, and mother second, struggle with. I need control. I need to be in charge. I need to know what is happening and when, and DO NOT make plans with out telling me. Last minute things bother me.

  But it's more than that. I have an image in my head of how things are supposed to be,  how they are supposed to look, and how they are supposed to go. You know, in the grand scheme of things. Over the years, I was disappointed when the grand scheme didn't meet my expectations. It's cool, I am learning to let go.... mostly....

  Except where "art" is concerned. I am ANAL about how any art is supposed to look. Therefore teaching Liam art is so hard for me. He wants it his way, and I want it mine. I know, that's not right, but I can't help it. It's the way I am. I am learning to back off, I really am....

  Case in point: His current obsession is The Walking Dead. ALL THINGS WALKING DEAD!!! Oh and coloring. So, he is having me go online and locate/print coloring pages of the Walking Dead. We have been coloring, A LOT!

  He has been choosing the more open pics to color for himself, and leaves the more detailed ones for momma. I LOVE it. I have ALWAYS loved to color. I would rush my drawings in art, just so I could get to the coloring part. I digress.... Last night, he had a picture of Michonne. It was SUPER detailed and I wanted to color it, as did he.

  He started to color it, HIS way. When I looked up and saw that he had colored Michonne gray instead of a darker brown,  (she is a gorgeous African American woman) I got upset. "You made her look ashy! Her skin isn't gray, it's a nice dark brown Liam!" I said. I realized as soon as it came out that 1) it sounded mean and snotty, and 2) I broke his heart! 

  My heart sank. I felt horrible! I hurt my baby's feelings, and even worse, discouraged his interpretation of art. I stopped what I was doing, and told him how sorry I was. I explained that I was wrong. That everyone has their own way of viewing things,  and it was wrong of me to push my views and interpretations onto him. I then worked on encouraging him to finish the picture.

  He finished coloring Michonne HIS way.  It really is lovely. I will NEVER get rid of this picture. It will be my constant reminder that I can't control everything...

  I have to let him view the world through his own eyes. I have to let go....


  1. Lovely Courtney. I have such an issue with control as well. You did a great job with this post. :)

  2. You did what counts the most. You showed him how to admit mistakes. You are a wonderful mama. Such an honest post - thank you. -Shayla

  3. I have nominated you for the Superstar Blogger Award.