Friday, May 17, 2013

So much for being supportive.....

  I was under the assumption that a support group was to support? I mean, am I wrong in that thinking? I won't name names, because even though I want too, I am an adult, and throwing people under a bus isn't so cool to me. (damn being a grown up anyway!) However, I will say it was a local autism support group. It has been together for a little over a year....

  When the founder asked if anyone had anything to say, or wanted to make any points, and stressed it was "our group," she got all over sensitive about your input. Well, don't ask for my opinion if you don't really want to hear it. When we would be at a meeting, and some people would be venting for support, some of those mothers' sat there and rolled their eyes! I know we may not always agree with one another, but it's a SUPPORT group!!! How supportive is this caddy eye rolling?

  It was more of a clique than a support group, but I kept this to myself. More and more people in this area were contacting me. Asking me if I had thought of starting my own. Truth be told, I had. But growing up in a small town, I knew how it would go, and damn if I didn't call it.

  So, I finally decided to give it a go after some final pushes from people I greatly admire. I took the time and wrote the other group's founder a PRIVATE email. I told her I was starting one. I told her I didn't want any hard feelings. I told her it would be great if we could do group outings as a whole. She said it was fine. It was "cool." She understood. She then turned around and behind my back, put me down, and tried to make me look bad in their "private" group page. You see, this group is so cliquey, they have one page for all in the group, and then a SECRET one, for those in their clique. Well, she didn't realize that she left one of my friend's in that secret group. All that she and another mother said was emailed to me. Mind you, her and the other mother went on to MOCK my CHILD for feeling that Autism is his superpower. Yep, the caddy hens stooped that low! If I weren't the person I am, I would post it all here, for all to read..... (bigger person, bigger person.....)

    Now, I took the time, as a FRIEND to email her personally. That was her chance as an adult,  (that mind you is more than 10 years my senior) to tell me she had an issue with it. She didn't. Instead, she chose to take that low road.

  If this isn't enough, she (the founder) then asked to join the support group I created. I waited, I took a deep breath and I sent her a very nice email. I asked her why she wanted to join my group after the way she wrote about me in the secret group. She then got all defensive and started copying and pasting comments into the email. Oddly enough, she LEFT OUT all the nasty, snide things her and the other mother wrote about me, and only pasted the not so incriminating ones. When I emailed her the ENTIRE conversation, she got very nasty to me, un-friended me, and removed me from the group.

  If that isn't bad enough, she then KICKED my FRIEND'S out of her support group!!!!! How's that for supportive???? Way to go cliquey mothers' of the valley...... You set such a wonderful example (ahem, insert snarky smile here~oh and add an eye roll for good measure.) Sadly one of the mother's that was taken out is not from around here. Her family came from out west and as she said, "you know, so much for making me feel welcome in this state!" I hope she doesn't let these few hens ruin her POV about the rest of us here in NEPA......

  So, this is what support looks like in a small town I guess. It's so sad! This won't happen in my support group. All are welcome. We may not all agree, but we won't roll our eyes at you. We won't condemn you for your views on Autism. We won't act like your ideas are useless. We will welcome you, support you and hopefully become friends!

Sorry, I am only human.....

                                                                        ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥


  1. Being older and a Mom and Nana I feel this group is a joke. You can't just REMOVE people from a support group. If that is her way then there should only be two people in that so called group! Another was very needed by the sounds of things, and maybe that woman and her clique need mental help for their lack of sanity. I call it like I see it!

    1. You're absolutely right! It amazes me that someone 10 years my senior acted so immature. It's sad really.

  2. Our town is very clique-oriented in general. When we first moved here, I tried to fit in because I thought it would be easier for my kids. I didn't really fit and I didn't like who I had to pretend to be in order to look like I belonged. In the long run, my kids benefitted from me being myself and they learned that being different is better then pretending to be someone you are not. We have found our support in people who feel the same way...autism or not. I have had (and still have) to keep myself from bitch-slapping adults who roll their eyes and make snarky comments about kids who have different challenges. I have met many kids on the spectrum who are more mature than the "adults" I have come across....

  3. All I can say is Wow! That is some crazy stuff! I have found that anytime you have to deal with people there are going to be those ones that are not so nice, putting it nicely. I have also found since being on facebook and getting more involved with the autism community that there are people that don't get along even though we are all going through similar things. One thing I have found is that because autism is a spectrum there are some kids who have a lot of obstacles to overcome and others that don't and these two groups seem to be divided. If that makes sense. I just recently have come to this conclusion because my child is more on the severe end of autism and I have noticed that those whose children are not tend to stay away from those that are. Are we not all in the same boat just with different fish? Not to refer to my son as a fish, but you get my point. We should be supporting each other no matter where our children are on the spectrum and a support group should NEVER be a popularity contest like we are all back in high school, right! I say grow up to those who think they are holier than thou and kudos to you for taking the higher road. Trust me it will pay off in the long run. If nothing else it will show your son how to handle things the right way and he will be a better person because of it!

    1. you're right....doesn't make sense to me either. We should be supportive of each other. And thanks :)