Thursday, March 1, 2012

Imagination~or lack thereof....

Hubby and I have always thought LJ had an awesome imagination. When playing with his action figures, he is always reenacting a scenario with them (so cute.) It wasn't until the other day that I had an epiphany on this. We took LJ on a field trip to the Discovery Center in Binghamton Ny. My friend and her daughter went, as its more fun with more people :). It was then that I realized that maybe LJ doesn't in fact have a superb imagination, but yet a superb ability in remembering scenarios and reenacting them with his toys. This epiphany first became evident when he and "A" were in the puppet theatre. He picked two puppets, and merely sat there with them on the stage, while "A" (a year and a half younger) picked her puppet and proceeded to put on a show. While I was enjoying her show and all its cuteness, part of me felt extreme sadness. Its very hard to look at your child and realize that he/she is not up to par when it comes to "normal" childhood behaviors. At any rate, I pushed it out of mind (I've gotten so good at burying things) and went on about the day. However, at each "station" we went to, I saw more and more proof that LJ doesn't have any idea how to pretend, especially if its with something that he is not accustomed to playing with. The kids went on to be doctors, grocers, news casters, and so on. Every time, "A" would start acting out the scene,  LJ would sit with a dumbfounded expression on his face. My hubby seemed to notice, and was trying to feed him lines, and give him ideas. LJ looked at him as if he were an alien!  In talking to my mother last night, I expressed this concern with her, and to my quiet dismay, it seemed she too has noticed it, but didn't know what to really think of it. Autism sucks!!!! Now most days I roll with the punches, and deal with whatever autism throws my way, but lets face it, the truth is autism has robbed our children of the lives they were supposed to have, and instead dealt them a crappy deck of cards to make due with! I may be sounding whiny and pessimistic here, but we can't all be sugar and spice and everything nice everyday. LJ is the child I was told I may never have. I beat the odds and delivered a happy, healthy, beautiful boy. Autism has stolen his childhood. Instead of pretending, and playing with the other kids, LJ is often in his own world. Often obsessing over things yet to come, things out of his control, things no 5 year old boy should be remotely concerned about. What do you say when you son looks at you with his big, dark, beautiful brown eyes, and says, "mommy, I hate autism, I hate how my mind works." Really? What do you say? We simply hug him and tell him his autism makes him special. God chose him and us for this journey, and together we will embark on it. I am so thankful for this blog in giving me an outlet to vent. Now I can go about my day, put a smile on my face and battle autism. Give my son the best life I can. Filled with love, laughter and every opportunity to flourish like every other child!

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